Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
