and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
