we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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