This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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