It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
