hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
