It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
