doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
