Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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