So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You may now shotgun with the bride
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Couch. On fire.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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