so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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