went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
