How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
