In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
