there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
