Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
