hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
