I'm going to jail i love you
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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