i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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