I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
