I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
