No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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