How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
