get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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