Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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