i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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