He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
