Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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