and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
