Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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