dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
