I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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