Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize