Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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