I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
