He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
God I need to hump something, right now.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
