i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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