Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
