Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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