I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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