He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
