I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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