Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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