Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
