Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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