I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
