I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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