sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
