from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
whose parrot is this?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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