I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize