She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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