As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
