I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize