scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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