im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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