sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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