Where are you?
In a non slutty way
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
