peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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