im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You pole danced in your parka.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
