I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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