This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
