I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
