she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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