Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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