were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
