No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
