so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
