your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize