They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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