I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
this beer tastes like vomit already
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
